OLC #2: Dear Ryan Reynolds

Open Letter to Celebrities #2

Dear Ryan Reynolds,

Thank you for always doing such an excellent job portraying assholes and douche bags.  You do it so well that I must ask you where it comes from.  Is there a douche bag that you admire or an asshole in your life?  I would love to hear whom it is that inspires your characters, because hating you is always the best part of all of your movies… Well, except maybe your guest appearance on the X-Files.  That poor kid totally didn’t deserve to get murdered by those evil telekinetic cheerleaders.  Fuck those bitches! Err…  I think that was why your character got murdered, wasn’t it? To hell with those bitches, then.

So Ryan, we’re good friends now, right?  Please, please promise me that you will never ever star in any Hallmark Movies, Lifetime Movie of the Weeks, highly dramatic roles in really boring movies like all of the ones Daniel Day Lewis does, or lend your voice to a Disney cartoon character in a made for kids movie. You are so much better than any of that garbage.  Stay gold, Ponyboy.  Or I guess a more appropriate paraphrasing would be to stay douche. Stay douche, Ryan.  Stay douche.

Your least biggest fan,

Jupiter Sixx

P.S. 1

I just looked at your profile on IMBD, and it looks like you already broke your promise.  Ugh!  Seriously?  What an asshole/douche bag thing to do!

… OH!  I get it now!

P.S. 2

To file a restraining order against me, my therapist said you should start by clicking here.  WikiHow offers a beautifully illustrated step-by-step guide that would make a lovely bedtime story for children.  See you in court! J