Turn & Face the Strange

*Turn and Face the Strange*

       This is a true story… about one strange girl… who got pissed when her vacation got cancelled… and flipped-the-fuck out… and gave herself an over-the-top, colorful makeover.**  Time to get real folks!

       Okay, so like many other young girls, I grew up dreaming of a Hawaii vacation.  Beaches and Barbie dolls just go together, am I right?  Well, my dream vacation actually had time to grow up with me.  I no longer crave to lie out on the beach in a bikini, and trust me, none of you all really want to see that either for so many reasons.  In college I fell in love with seafood and sushi, and you just can’t get any closer in this country to that stuff than Hawaii.  Then I married a sexy nurse who loved nature, and I learned from this sexy nurse that Hawaii is home to tropical rainforests with zero predators.  So like, we can roam the beautiful trees & waterfalls, see local wild life without the hindrance of cages, and NOT worry about being attacked by wild boars!*  Also, there is a famous observatory there where we can watch the stars together!  How romantic!!  As a bonus, sexy nurse is a caffeine addict, and Hawaii has coffee plantations. Perfect place to go, right?

       Well, young and in love and totally broke, we definitely weren’t going to make it there on honeymoon.  We then agreed that we would go there for my 30^th birthday… which came and went without Hawaii.  Next, our 10-year wedding anniversary we would definitely go… nope, not then either.  That was about the time I realized what a worrywart I had married when it came to finances.  In the eyes of the sexy nurse, we would never have enough money to go on any exotic vacations.  I was working at a small bank at the time, so I decided to earmark some of the money I had earned to be direct-deposited into a secret savings account for vacation spending.***  

So, last year (2018) I finally had enough for the two of us to go to Hawaii. My rewards points from my credit card proved to be worthless, but that was okay.  I had enough in my account to pay for plane tickets and the hotel stay, and sexy nurse had agreed to pay for food and other spending money.  I had hotels and airlines all picked out, I was just waiting on my sexy nurse to request time off work.  I kept getting the run around and hemming & hawing before I finally put my foot down one night.  I told sexy nurse to go to work the next day, request off whatever week of vacation was available, and I would book hotels and flights that evening. The next day…  Well, at this time I should mention that to do all the things adult me wanted to do, there was only one of the Hawaiian Islands that had it all, the one they call The Big Island.  And the next day, The Big Island was all over the news because big freaking eruptions of lava were spurting out all over the place and destroying people’s homes and shutting down roads. (Pause for a moment of silence for the people whose lives were affected by the lava flow, including my own)

       Pele had royally fucked me over.  On the inside, I completely lost it. When, Lord Jesus?!  When’s it gonna be mytime to travel the world?!  When?!  WHEN?!  I continued each day to go to work and smile at the world and say pretty things to other people, while my insides were boiling as bad as that damn lava flow.  Something had to give!  Something… HAD…  to change…

       Then, a few days later, an idea *magically* appeared in my head.  I don’t know where exactly it came from.  I decided to dye my hair purple.  I began scouring the Internet for color schemes.  This wasn’t as easy as one would think.  Being that my skin tone is a little on the warm side and most of the funs colors work best for cooler skin tones, it took a little more time than I had originally thought.  I scheduled a planning session with my chosen salon & spa, and the stylist managed to come up with a shade of purple that was not only good for warm skin tones, but also my favorite color in the whole world: orchid.  It also turned out to be strands of pink and electric blue, but it was AWESOME…

       It was awesome until the next day when I threw on a favorite top, jeans, and neutral colored make up to go to the grocery store.  I took one look at myself and thought “Wal-Mart People.”****It was then I realized that if I was going to pull off purple hair, I needed to up my game by A LOT.  I got some extra fancy make-up, bought a new vintage wardrobe, and started a Pinterest account so that I could save hairstyle & make-up ideas.

       Changes are always good, especially if you make it a point to look for the silver lining.  I didn’t get to go to Hawaii (YET), but I did enjoy a marvelous journey of self-discovery.  These unfortunate events lead to the look that I now love more than anything. I finally look like someone who is worthy of the online persona I call Jupiter Sixx.  

P.S.

Has anyone out there heard if the bursts of lava have ceased yet?

(I distinctly remember a news guy saying that it could very well go on for years, but nobody talks about it on the news anymore.)

*That’s a lyric from the song “Changes” by David Bowie.  You know the song: “Cha-Cha-Changes! Turn and face the strange…”  If you don’t know the song, you must be so young that I would consider you to be a fetus.  Seriously, turn up the volume in that womb you are living in.  David-freaking-Bowie, dude!  I do have a side story about when I was in college, and I had this massive three ring binder for my senior block classes covered in images of rock stars.  One of those images was of David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth.  One of my classmates asked me who that was. After giving her a strange look and telling her who it was, she revealed that she had never heard of David Bowie, the amazing movie, or any of his songs. (*sigh*) I still have no words to express this frustration.  Well, maybe just one:  David-freaking-Bowie!!

 **If you don’t get the reference to a little show called The Real World, I just give up.  Seriously, what rock have you been living under?  A rock without 90s MTV, that much is obvious.  You know, the TV show that ruined all network television forever with crappy "reality" TV shows?  Still no?  (smacks forehead in resignation) That’s all I got to say about that.

***You may be offended that I would hide money from my significant other.  I would like to note that I started TWO secret savings accounts.  One for vacations and another for buying sexy nurse an expensive graduation gift for finishing a second bachelor’s degree.  Today, sexy nurse knows about the accounts, and even makes lists of expensive gifts that I am supposed to buy for Xmas & birthdays.  Sexy nurse loves my “secret” savings accounts.

****I do not intend any offense to those who enjoy shopping there, but I am referring to those awful pictures of Wally World shoppers on the Internet and in coffee table books sold at Urban Outfitters where these very particular individuals are caught looking extra-super-duper trashy. 

*Six days after this posting, sexy nurse finally read it.  Instead of telling me how awesome it is or "Gee, hon, I never knew you felt that way," sexy nurse says, "Actually, there are wild boars in Hawaii."  There it is, like a turd hiding in an Easter basket.💩  I suppose I completely forgot about how they burry a pig under the sand in hot coals for a luau.  Oopsie.🌺